Deja Vu

This place seems all to familiar

I look around and I feel like I've been hear before

I know this place
it seems all to familiar
I close my eyes to try and remember
I drift off into another time, another place
yet its all so familiar
A gentle touch caresses my arm and lingers along my finger tips
a close embrace 
those same fingers tip to the small of my back
my heart is beating faster
is that butterflies or anxiety
 I know the feeling...I know this feeling
All I hear is sweet nothings
You don't have to worry about me
I'm different, you can trust me, relax
That voice...those words
they echo in my mind
in another place maybe another time
I swear I heard them before
I open my eyes and there you are
standing there
caressing my arm down to my finger tips
a close embrace
my heart is beating faster
and as you lean in to whisper sweet nothings
it feels like Deja Vu

The Battle Within

I love you

I hate you

I cant stand to be around you sometimes

But yet we are one 

One minute you love me the next minute you don't

I'm tired

Tired of the back and forth

The inconsistency

Uncertainty

Never satisfied

What more do you want

You say you want me to love you

But you keep checking for everyone else

And then back to me you come when they fall back

Back to me

And for awhile things are great 

But apparently im not good enough

Cuz you back in the streets

Lady of night

Lady, that ain't right

Baby girl I know your struggle 

I live it with you

 I'm here sweety

I know you get lonely 

But you don't have to be cuz I'm here sweety

So what your friends and family have their own thing going

I'm here

It's us  against the world

But you keep pushing back

Holding back

Fighting

And for what

I love and need you

The same way you need me

Can do this without you

We are one 

Or at least I thought we were

Stop fighting me 

I only wana love you

You can leave the mirror now 

I Use to Never Cry...

There was a time when I never cried

There were no feelings

Then one day I decided to let myself feel

Feel something for someone who apparently wasn't worthy 

Or worth it for that matter

And I cried 

I couldn't understand why 

Or what these 

Liquid words were dripping down my face 

I bounced back like that

And like THAT it was déjà vu all over again

All over again I found myself never crying

Never feeling 

Never feeling until he came along and and told me what I wanted to hear 

And it all sounded and appeared good Until the day

He left my heart unattended 

Abandoned

Broken

And i found myself drenched daily for months on end with these 

Empty liquid words

Tears

 I think I'm over that one but now the reason i Find myself crying today 

And all the other days

loneliness 

Wanting to be loved but feeling incapable 

Incapable because every time I try 

Or make an attempt to like...love...or wateva 

Im reminded of the past hurts

The past tears

And I say to myself I dont wana go thru that again

But here I am crying wanting to go thru that again

Because at least I was gratified temporarily 

Until of course the liquid words appeared 

Now all I can do is remember 

There was a time when I never cried

Just Friends

You knew me before you knew me 

But I can't say that I didn't play a part in the matter

My lips were saying one thing but my body was saying another

I anticipated each encounter 

And in the back of my mind I knew I was in a dangerous place

Walking where it was slippery

I thought I could handle it...you at first

Then a late night became a great night

With each touch  I became weak 

With each touch what I stood for became faint in my mind

All I could think about was wanting what I wanted...you

I lowered my standard for a moment that would soon be over

Yet in that moment I wanted time to slow down 

What was I thinking

You don't him

He doesn't know you 

Yet now you know each other on a different level

Skipping many levels

Fast forward

Pause

I wasn't thinking 

Too busy on cloud 9

And then the seconds minutes hours days went by

Reality checked in 

Just friends...

But to you...it's not that serious....